Pete's Simon and Garfunkel Stuffing

1/2 loaf dried bread crumbs
one big yellow onion
one grated apple
stalk of celery
a whole lot of fresh garlic
one grated carrot
parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
salt and pepper
olive oil

Dice up your onion and garlic, 8-12 or more cloves, take the celery stalk and slice it up from the leafy end, including the leafy, until you have more than seems reasonable, then chop it fine. Grate the carrot and apple. Heat up the olive oil, then saute the onion, celery, carrot and apple until pretty soft. Add garlic and continue until the garlic is soft. Add all of the spices, again, more parsley than seems reasonable, then more or less equal ammounts of the others, you may want to chop up the rosemary. You might want to add some poultry seasoning as well, but that messes up the parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme theme so don't tell anyone. Mix all of this stuff with the bread crumbs, salt and pepper to taste and add water a teensy bit at a time, just to make it moist enough so you can grab a handful for stuffing. Stuff all this up the turkey's butt.